Ever since the advent of instant messaging, communication has been swift, with almost zero effort. For everyone in the digital and hyper-communication age, text-based flirting comes more naturally than face-to-face conversation. Flirting over text might seem easy, but the harsh reality is that texting someone without seeming desperate or annoying can be hard.
Today everyone would rather type than talk on the phone. People have a habit of texting everywhere, even on business or private occasions. And the shift in habits can largely be credited to the increased use of social media and change in lifestyle.
More than 42 million messages are sent every minute! At the same time, only in 2018, people spend 685 billion hours on social and messaging apps. And undisputed messaging is the number one digital activity on these apps.
Over 75% of millennials would rather text than talk. But even for millennials who’ve been doing this since their early teens, texting can still seem a fickle-mating dance. One wrong emoji or mistaken interpretation can be the source of grief and confusion.
That raises the question, how to flirt over text? The truth is texting (or sexting – if you may want it) can be both fun and stressful at the same time due to its uncertainty. The thrill of not knowing how serious your partner is, the fun of implying “I might” or “maybe” without promising.
In reality, flirting is only a conversation, a funny, warm, and obviously enjoyable one. Accordingly, we will see how you can augment and take your flirting techniques over text to the next level. Try it out with your crush or your partner sweating in the next room.
Table of Contents
Flirt With a Girl Over Text
Be real. Not all men are experts in the art of flirting. And even fewer would know how to flirt with a girl over text. Flirting can be the first step to know her better and connect. It can be flattering, teasing, and a whole lot of sarcasm.
Keep Things Fun
A text message isn’t the place to share your hopes, ideologies, or dreams with a girl you’re interested in. Leading through a hectic life, the last thing a girl would want is to reply to a boring and downright coma-inducing message. Be fun, excitement she needs, interesting, and easy to text with.
Add Value
Things in the text are different from what you’re used to in in-person communication. You need to add value to the conversation to keep the energy flowing. That’s the very reason texts like “Hey, what’s up” always don’t work with a woman. You don’t have to change her life; you only need something like putting a smile on her face. With something like “I know you’re thinking about me, so might as well meet?”
Tease Her
Everything that was fun in kinder garden becomes fun again with a girl on the other side of the screen. Two fundamental things are keeping the attraction: rapport and tension. The rapport creates a connection and builds comfort, but it will not get you any dates. That’s where you need to create tension, and the best way over text is by using a bit of playful teasing.
Use Flirty Questions
Go a little further to create the tension. Though timing, of course, can play an important role, so hit the questions at certain escalation points in the text interaction. If you can make a girl laugh, smile or blush with your flirty questions, you’re doing a great job.
Build Sexual Tension
Many men think it’s better to wait until much later to create sexual tension. And that’s the reason around 43% of men worldwide end up in the friend zone. So, you should play your cards immediately, in a playful and fun way.
Flirt With a Guy Over Text
If you’re a girl wanting to flirt with a guy over text without sounding too easy to get, you’ll have to keep a balance in arousing his interest while making it look like the interest is from his side. Flirting with a guy can be really fun if you know the right way to do it.
Slow but Sure
Before jumping all in with your flirty texts, you need to think sometimes about gauging how and when you can flirt with him. Mastering the art of how to flirt over text without sounding creepy can go a long way. Start off with a simple “Aww” or “Thanks, cutie”, and see how well he responds before diving into the deeper waters.
Be Unique
Don’t create a virtual persona that he likes; you want him to like you. So, when you talk to him face to face, he won’t feel alienated. Share some experiences you’ve had, people you’ve met or laughed about in person.
Use His Name
Both boys and girls find it adorable when someone from the opposite sex calls them by their name. It might sound like a small thing, but it can have immediate charm on him if done correctly. Something like “Oh Dave, you’ve got to stop it!” has a much flirtier and more passionate vibe than saying, “Oh, stop it!”
Sprinkle The Conversation With Compliments
It’s a wrong perception that only girls like compliments – guys love compliments as much as girls do. You should be honest and tell the things you like about him without exaggerating things. Something like “That shirt is looking so hot on you” can spark an alluring conversation.
Keep it Classy
Getting too hipped up can destroy the game. If you keep filling his inbox with too many dirty texts, eventually, the discourse will lose its charm and allure. One or two sensual texts showing him that you’re turned on by him are healthy, but going overboard, you can risk losing the guy.
Work on Your Opener
Before you start the long unending conversations, you need to prepare the ground.
Don’t Be Lazy
Unless you want to fill your crush with dread, a “hey” or “hi” is the undesirable opener. Similarly, “What’s up” or “you up” won’t increase the appeal. These types of openers fall into the lazy and careless category. That leaves the onus of initiating a conversation with your partner, which they have all the ground not to give.
Set The Tone
It gets difficult to hide your frolicsome intentions behind the cover of concerned check-in. Send something like “this song reminds me of you”, or if you have a history, you can hit with “remembering you.” Send a photo, a song, or an inside joke.
Checking how the other person is coping up is a thoughtful way of starting a conversation. But you don’t want to open with pandemic-centric concerns as it doesn’t set the correct vibe for what you’re trying to achieve, a light, pleasant, or sexy exchange.
The point is to show the receiver that you’re thinking of them and value them enough to write a warm message. That makes the receiver feel valued; that’s the key part of a good flirtation.
Break The Ice, React To a Story
It sometimes seems hard to break the ice with people you’ve never interacted with or met before. Reacting to a Facebook, Instagram story, or WhatsApp status can be an easy way to start the conversation going. Instagram, the time-sucking app – filled with memes, videos, and silly filters, can be the perfect place to flirt.
Asking For Photos – The Art of Language
Pictures say a lot more than you might think, don’t be afraid to open up. Photos are an artistic form of communication that lets you share the mode without even uttering a word. If you’re comfortable with the person or trying to make a strong impression, a nice selfie or a nude won’t break the rules.
Sending a sensual image with a playful note – “Miss you or miss me?” or you can say “See you later,” any such thing will make the message more intentional and direct. A photo will depict the merit that will speak for itself. However, make sure the person wants to receive it because an unsolicited nude can be a bad experience.
Ask Relevant & Genuine Qs
Asking open-ended and relevant questions is conversation starter 101. Questions indicate that you’re interested in the person’s opinion, and that will make them feel good.
A simple question like “How are things? How are you?” can be used as a starter but is boring. Otherwise, you can try asking for a recommendation, something again indicating that you value their opinion. This can really do the game for you if they have an area of interest that they like to talk about, such as anime, literature, or movies.
You can continue from here by giving some recommendations of your own, or take things into a more intimate territory; “oh my God, you haven’t watched Fifty Shades of Grey? We have to watch it together” or “We should make Bolognese together.”
The Potential Of a Horny Question
A sexy and enticing but flexible opener leaves plenty of room for fantasy while it serves to propel the conversation in the direction you want. Try something new to create the heat: “Where are we going to do once we get out of here?” or “What do you think of this? (Attach a sexy picture).”
The Power of Emojis – Pros & Cons
Emojis make it easier to read people’s emotions and set the mood with sexier and more goofy faces. However, the visual communication medium presents so many possibilities, and with it comes the chances of being misunderstood.
One man’s corn might be another man’s eggplant or a tiny snake. And in that awkward chat, the whole sexual fantasy breaks down, and you’ve agreed to some weird stuff. Therefore, you need to clarify the hieroglyphic mess before it ruins everything.
Say something like, “Which emoji makes you think of me?” that can potentially arouse the more sensual side of the person.
Pros:
People love emojis and consider them affirming and necessary, adding more fun, color and zest to a conversation. Some combinations like eggplant + doughnut = splash; cherries, bananas, and lots of finger signing into a doughnut. Folks with artistic flare are generally more inclined towards communicating via modern hieroglyphics. Adding a layer of fun to their text banter.
Cons:
Leaning on the symbolic language of emojis if your partner isn’t experienced in them may increase the chances of being misunderstood. You might surprise and delight your partner by sending, but it could also come off as corny or sometimes even aggressive.
Generally, the use of emojis is entirely subjective, which will depend on the dynamic or the level of understanding you have with the person you’re texting with. You should understand the cues from them – an older spouse may not understand what you’re referring to with an eggplant and doughnut emoji. Whereas a younger one might take you as being graceless or dorky.
Read the Mind
There’s a times and places you can go dirty; at others, it can be hot. You might think sex starts in your body, but it’s the brain where things begin. Hearing the voice of your partner, sultry images, or smelling their cologne are some of the common mental triggers that can get you worked up. Sexting isn’t different. Your brain starts secreting the hormones and other neurochemicals of pleasure.
While in women, the attachment hormone oxytocin also gets activated, making them feel the joy of closeness. And once you combine the pleasure and closeness together, you get arousal, even from sexting. The elicit physical response can be powerful from effective sexting, stimulating something inside you.
Digital seduction is everywhere; more than 74% of Americans have exchanged sexy messages with their partners. Research shows that people who regularly sext have better sex lives than those who don’t. That shows lots of people are doing it and reaping the rewards in their relationships.
However, before you begin your trip into the dirty world, you should know it can sometimes be jarring and a turn-off. That can especially be the case if you have never done it before or have a different perception of vulgarity.
If you’re not comfortable with lewd language or the other person seemingly isn’t on track – you better not try to go that far.
What To Do If He/She Is Not Flirting Back?
You need to be vigilant to observe any changes in the mood of your partner and respond accordingly.
Double or Triple-text?
The fun has faltered and died. Should you double-text or wait?
Certain etiquette around texting can be frustrating and esoteric but can save you from embarrassment. Double texting is usually fine, but if you’re no longer getting any response, three unanswered texts in a row can be immoderate.
Though you shouldn’t be wasting your time overanalyzing the scenario. Your crush is probably no longer interested or simply preoccupied with something important, and flirting with you has taken a back seat.
However, you shouldn’t let the conversation die. Do your part by introducing a new topic, asking a question, or sending something to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Misinterpretation
Things can always be misunderstood or misinterpreted by the other person. Texts are a quick and smart way of communicating but conveying the tone and emotion over text can be hard. Therefore, instead of letting the conversation die, clarify what you mean or ask for clarification.
Weird Stuff
The Internet is full of weird stuff; either you send or receive something that feels corny or weird to you that can sometimes potentially kill the vibe. The only solution when you’re seriously freaked out or turned off is not to respond. You can change the subject to steer the conversation back on track.
It’s normal to have a bit of lag time between messages, and that’s the thing keeping it interesting. Delayed gratification is a forceful tool in flirting. What’s more essential here is that you get the time to steer the conversation efficiently.
Final Word
The best and most important part of flirting is that you enjoy it. According to Toril Moi, “Is based on ambiguity: It is a game in which one does not declare one’s hand.” Thereby, flirtation is not a goal-oriented undertaking. The point is to make both participants feel good. Letting them feel attractive and desirable has the potential to brighten their as well as your day.
